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 Press Release — parody:  


   NEWS RELEASE: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:                         November 04, 2004

Socialists praise Christians

Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay, Socialist Republican Caucus
praises Christian right for helping re-elect G.W. Bush.

We here at the Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay, Socialist Republican Caucus would like to extend sincerest gratitudes to our Christian colleagues all over the country for their help in electing George W. Bush. Many of you typically associate pro-choice, pro-gay, and socialist citizens with the Democratic Party, but unlike our counterparts to the left, we want to cut taxes and pre-emptively invade terrorist nations. We are glad that you are not so intolerant in your religious beliefs to share the same Party with the like-minded Republicans in our progressive Caucus. We could not have got George Bush into office without you! With George W. Bush at the helm, we are headed in the right direction.

The Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay, Socialist Republican Caucus has thrown its support behind George W. Bush for a number of reasons:

    1. President Bush has increased taxpayer funding for abortion, through Medicaid and Title X funding, more than any President in history.

    2. He publicly denies a pro-life litmus test for judicial appointees. By the pre-1992 Right to Life standards, he would have been classified as a “pro-abortion” candidate, but we are fortunate to have a Christian right that has evolved from its Neaderthal days of chauvinism.

    3. The brand of “strict constructionists” he has appointed has not been inconsistent with the pro-choice position. The judicial candidates he endorsed to the Texas Supreme Court when he was Governor of Texas allowed an underage woman to get an abortion without parental consent, defying underage-consent legislation that the misinformed public overwhelmingly approved. One of his appointees, Miguel Estrada, was employed by the pro-choice National Organization of Women to argue a case before the Supreme Court to prosecute anti-abortion protesters for RICO violations. This is our kind of “strict constructionist”!

    4. Although we have not been proud of all of Bush’s court appointees, but we have been encouraged nonetheless by his active campaigning and endorsement of Senate Arlen Specter over the Republican challenger anti-abortion religious extremist, Pat Toomey. Having won re-election, Senator Specter will now chair the Senate Judiciary Committee, which holds hearings on all judicial nominees. Senator Specter has a tried and true pro-choice litmus test – he refused to let anti-abortion extremists to the Federal bench. He helped stop the anti-abortionist Robert Bork, who Reagan tried to get to the Supreme Court, and as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee. We are confident that he will follow in Patrick Leahy’s footsteps and will not allow any anti-abortion nominees to come to a floor vote.

    5. George W. Bush has also gone on the record saying he doesn’t think Roe v. Wade should be overturned.

    6. George W. Bush has admitted that he is personally pro-choice with exceptions – he believes that abortion is justified in cases of rape, incest, and for the health of the mother. This position also helps clarify in our minds that his “pro-life” position is based on political expediency, and is not a firmly-held principled position that considers abortion to be a criminal act against a real human being.

    7. Although he signed the abhorrent Mexico City policy, which was intended to forbid taxpayer monies from being distributed to groups that perform abortion overseas, he remedied himself by proposing a budget that sent taxpayer funds to groups that perform abortion overseas.

    8. Moreover, George W. Bush has appointed more open gays to high government positions than Bill Clinton.

    9. He appointed an open homosexual ambassador to the less enlightened Christian nation of Romania. The ambassador’s lover was acknowledged at the appointment ceremony and he is staying with his partner on the taxpayers’ tab at the Romanian embassy. Hopefully, Romania’s homophobic version of Christianity will see the light and begin to accept gays as normal people of faith.

    10. President Bush sent a personal letter of praise to the Metropolitan Community Church, which marries about 6,000 gays annually.

    11. He has praised the diverse family of his Vice President, Dick Cheney, and has embraced his lesbian daughter’s sexual preference.

    12. He has campaigned with and for many pro-choice and pro-gay politicians, including Mayor Rudy Guliani, NY Governor Pataki, and California Governor Swartzenegger. Those are our kind of Republicans!

    13. President Bush’s church in Texas, Highland Park United Methodist Church, accepts open homosexuals as brothers and sisters in Christ.

    14. Although he publicly professes the Christian faith, he has gone on record publicly admitting that he believes Muslims and non-Christians are going to heaven. (We hope and pray that homophobic, exclusive Christian groups, who lobbied so hard for the President’s re-election campaign, will mimic his tolerance, acceptance, and love for other diverse people groups.)

    15. President Bush has also gone on record admitting that he doesn’t believe every word of the Bible to be true. We are relieved that he does not embrace the parts of the Bible that endorse homophobia, hatemongering, the subjugation of women, or the exclusiveness of Christianity.

    16. He has increased funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, for the Department of Education, and for many other groups that previous Republican Presidents attempted to dismantle.

    17. Although he did cut taxes, he did not let that stop him from increasing government spending for almost every government program – indeed, spending has increased more under Bush’s leadership than any President in a generation.

    18. His administration helped oust that radical hatemonger former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore from the judiciary, and Bush gave a recess appointment to his chief nemesis, Bill Prior.

    19. Although Bush did capitulate to the anti-abortion forces and signed the “Partial Birth Abortion” ban, at least the wording of the Ban legalized every form of abortion except one type, and since there are other late term procedures available for women who want an abortion, this Ban – if it even survives the judicial gauntlet – will not impede a woman’s right to choose.

    20. President Bush has also gone on the record opposing the Republican policy which is against gay civil unions, and he is endorsing gay civil unions at the state level. (Gay civil unions are basically legal relationships in which marriage rights are conferred on gay couples.)

    21. Although he was endorsed by the fanatical NRA, he crossed them by admitting that he would re-enact the Clinton assault weapons ban, and he refused to rescind on any prior gun control legislation when he had the chance.

    (You can verify these facts about our President at, although I’d encourage you
    not to read anything else on this religious fanatic’s website.)

We would like to specifically name a few Christian groups who devoted much money, time, and energy, into helping get our President back into office:

    • Christian Coalition
    • National Right to Life
    • Traditional Values Coalition
    • Center for Bioethical Reform
    • Priests for Life
    • American Family Association
    • American Center for Law and Justice
    • Eagle Forum
    • Family Research Council
    • Christian Defense Coalition
    • World Magazine
    • Human Events Magazine
    • Focus on the Family
    • National Rifle Association
    • Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute
    • Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Ralph Reed,
      and conservative talk show hosts, Hannity, Limbuagh, Beck, and others.

As chairman of the Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay, Socialist Republican Caucus, I want to thank you all, and say that we could not have done it without you! Although you have publicly disagreed with the more moderate and progressive members of your Republican Party, it’s nice to see that the Party is more important than your particular version of Christianity. It’s good to see that you put the interests of your Republican President above the interests of your religion.

Let this union between the left and the right wings of our party demonstrate to the world once and for all that we are all God’s children, and we can work together for a better world without the divisiveness and intolerance of religious exclusiveness of those who say that abortion is murder, homosexuals are hellbound, and that Jesus is the only way to heaven. We re-elected the most liberal, progressive Republican in history into the White House, and we did it together! Thank you!

Your Pro-Gay, Pro-Choice, Socialist Republican chairman,
Dr. Estee Deeze


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